9-2-14

Yesterday I finally decided to tell Dustin that I needed time alone to figure out what my needs were because I always think of everyone else before myself. He tried to change my mind and when I was finally firm enough for him to understand that I had made up my mind he asked"so you want me gone?" to which I told him "no I don't want you gone, but I need time alone". I didn't realize at the time that he was saying that he was going to take himself out of the picture forever permanently.
Shortly thereafter I left for work and he told me he would be gone by the time I got home.
Dustin called me at work to tell me that I shouldn't go home right away and maybe stay at my parents house that night. It took some convincing to make him tell me more of what was going on. I then realized he might be drunk, when I asked him he said "oh yeah. And not a little bit. You know the difference between people who want help and people who want to die? those who want to die aren't stupid enough to ask for help." At that point I realized what the situation was and started pleading with him to not take his life. I could hear him playing with the gun in the background the whole time.
After a while of talking with him i convinced him to at least let me come see him. I went back into work and had to call my boss in and left before he was there because i knew that I couldn't wait. I drove home, I used the carpool lane with no carpool, I did everything to go as fast as I possibly could.
I then texted my mother to let her know that he was trying to kill himself with a gun. She asked me not to go and let my dad go instead. I knew that if anyone other then me walked in it would be over. So I drove there, didn't call the cops and went up to the apartment. This whole time I was on the phone with him, talking with him, trying to change his mind. When I approached the door I told him "I'm opening the door now" then I put the key in and opened the door. He was sitting there with a shotgun in between his legs. To be honest it was a bit startling, surreal.. I slowly walked in and put my backpack down and sat on the couch across the room from him. I continued to talk to him and try and plead with him to change his mind. We laughed about some things. At one point he said there was no point in going to a physiologist because he "couldn't admit I have a problem. look at me, I'm sitting here with a shotgun between my legs and I can't admit I have a problem." I got up and went to the bathroom and when I came back I sat in my computer chair that was a little closer. I knew that I was not in danger at all. I knew I could have lunged at him to take the gun and he would do everything in his power to keep me out of danger first, Then keep the gun from me. I told him I just really wanted a hug. He made me promise I wouldn't go for the gun at all and he got up, put the gun down and gave me a hug. We stood there for a moment, and then we heard "Dustin Jones, please come..." he pushed me away and went and sat back down with the gun so that if anyone tried to burst in he could end it any moment. They kept asking him to come out with his hands over his head and then they started asking for me. They started calling our phones to talk to us. We finally heard them saying if you can't leave the apartment please answer the phone or call 911. I decided at this point to call 911 and they transferred me to Renton PD, and the dispatcher asked me to leave. I refused to leave because again, i knew if I left it would be done. The dispatcher said his dad was trying to call him so he should answer his phone. It then took me a while to convince him to pick up the phone. This whole time he had been asking me to leave because he didn't ant me to see anything. He didn't want to hurt me like that either. I made him a promise that if he answered the phone and talked to his dad and at least said I love you and goodbye, I would leave the apartment. He finally answered the phone and talked to his dad for a few minutes until he seemed to decide he was done. He then tried to hang up the phone and looked at me and said "you promised". So I started crying and told the dispatcher that "I was coming out, but it will be too late for him.". I then got up and walked out the door.
I heard the gunshot almost simultaneously with the door close. I then collapsed on the stair because I realized what had just happened. The cops across the way kept saying I needed to walk over to them. I tried, I didn't have the strength in my legs to hold me up. They kept asking, I kept saying "I can't!" to which they kept saying that I could and i needed to come to them. I finally tried again and got about halfway down and collapsed again. they encouraged me more, I got up again and walked down the rest of the stairs and got across the cement and collapsed into the grass. At this point they finally talked about coming to get me. Two officers came over, one covered me and the other and the other picked me up and helped me down the other side of the stairs and into the apartment across the way so I was safe. They then entered the apartment and started whatever they did. I sat in a strangers apartment sitting there crying. Eventually they asked if my family was there and they went and got my dad. He held me while i cried. They took my statement my sister was there too.. I don't really remember much after the incident. Everything is kind of a haze at this point.

I know he thought about it thoroughly.
He bought a gun that was a "home defence" shotgun
He bought "home defence" bullets so that if it did go through it wouldn't make it through the wall or ceiling.
He even angled himself toward the outside wall so that there was even less chance of hurting anyone else.
He told me "you'll be okay, you have family and people who will help you"
he told me "my dad is strong, he will get through it."
He didn't think about how much hurt it would cause everyone left behind.