I always go back to the top and put a little disclaimer just in case.
I dont even know where I was going with this. It kind of just spilled out.
I know I'm hurt, and hurting. and don't even know where to start or what to say.
So I'm just going to leave it here and say this is raw, this is pain, this. This is real.
One of the biggest things I have had to deal with in my lifetime is a lack of camaraderie. Not saying that I haven't ever had a good close friend. I have just not been able to keep one. I have had many friends over the years. My first best friend was the girl who lived up the street from me. Our mothers traded babysitting and even wet nursed when necessary. We grew up together and were best of friends. Then My family moved, 13 blocks, but at 7 years old? That might as well have been the other side of the country. Then I gained another friend from church. We hit it off great and did lots of stuff together. If you wanted to find one of us you looked for the other. We hung out outside of church more then I hung out with anyone else. But that still wasn't a whole lot. We remained good friends until college when I came to a realization that I had a lot more care for other people than most had for me. Once I let someone into my life and my heart I will care for you above myself most of the time. But that isn't healthy in the long run. Drama happened as it does when you're young and stupid and I decided to sever the bulk of the friendship, mostly for my sake as I knew I needed to do what was best for me.I remember I had one friend that I hung out with several times, I dont even remember where we met but that faded for I dont even remember what reason.There was one girl that I got along with splendidly and it was more of a drift of time and different directions that we didn't continue close friendship. But Even to this day we can seem to kind of pick up on where we were and continue without hesitation.
Most of the people I knew growing up were from church. I have gone to the same church my whole life pretty much. I have visited many other churches but always seem to come back to the same one. One of the big flaws of growing up there was that I was part of the group that did not have a youth group to speak of. There were youth, but there wasn't a group. Right as I got to the age the leaders left and there was nothing and right as I was getting to college age another stepped in a started one. So I was part of a group that was left hanging. I didn't get that camaraderie that a lot of young people get. I was homeschooled so I didn't get that closeness from peers, I did have a co op that I went to but only one friend came out of that.
One of the biggest things that I am finding difficult is that it seems that as Christians we don't know how to truly love our neighbors as ourselves. I am not claiming immunity of the action. I can think of at least two off the top of my head that I reacted poorly with. But ultimately and Christians I think we find it easier to write off someone because we don't "agree" with their actions. I currently have more non christian friends then Christians because most of the christian friends abandoned me when I made some poor decisions in life. Or even after when the holier than thou attitude of -I think I know better then you and will make decisions for you- attitude came around. ...
*long breath*
The problem with this, is that when someone goes through something like this is when they need a good friend the most. As I was told recently "its when things are tough that you see people rise up". I feel like as Christians we need to hold fast to help those in need, and I'm not talking about the homeless of starving in this situation, those come easy aparently. The hard part is standing next to someone even when its hard, Even when they don't realize they're drowning.
If someone is drowning you need to go help them. If they're thrashing and you can't get to them, you wait. You wait for them to pass out then you pull them out and do cpr. Because yes, you don't want them to pull you under then you're both in trouble. But if you don't stay around they just die.
I don't know, I've seen it over and over again. When things get hard people give up. I've done it.
But I feel like, as christians we need to be conscious of why we give up on people, is it for selfish reasons? is it for self protection? (this is not necessarily a bad thing). Is it truly because you feel God has led you this way?
Me and my family has been through one of the hardest years anyone should go through in this last year. And yet after all is said and done, the only real friends I have left aren't christian (save maybe one or two). My family is there for me, and don't get me wrong, I have christian friends. People who care about me and are there or trying to be there for me. But really the only people I consistently see and spend time with aren't christian. I feel like its a revisit of my childhood where I was the odd man out because my dad wasn't christian so careful of getting too close cuz she might drag you down. And yet, if you don't have anyone there for you how are you supposed to stay up?
