God is calling.

disclaimer: I'm terrible at writing, I am willing to learn but seem to fail every time I try. So that being said, it may be painful to read but here are my thoughts. Somewhat in line.

I seem to think and want to write things down late at night. So here goes.

I've been having a hard time with Christianity. Not that I'm saying my faith is shaken, at least not my faith in God. My faith in Christians? maybe.

Recently my facebook has been flooded with so much duck dynasty/homosexuality debate that I have been wanting to say something against the core of the issue. It seems to be skipped almost entirely most of the time. Love. God has commanded Christians to love. Love each other, Christians love Christians. But more than that, we are to love the unbeliever. We are to be Christ like and show God's UNCONDITIONAL love to everyone. Not just the ones WE think might become christian. Or the people we think deserve it. If God had his justice we would all be in hell right now because none of us deserve it. We are all sinners, myself included. So, I can be truly excited for an ex co-worker of mine who is getting married to his fiancee after gay marriage was legalized.

What is harder to understand for me is when Christians turn a blind eye to a fellow Christian because they are afraid of where they might be headed, or even worse a child, because one or both parents aren't christian. If you know a child who has only one christian parent or none at all, they may need more love and time than others. Yes, you or maybe even your child who is friends with them may be at risk for "falling into sin" or something because they have less Godly examples to fallow. But I will say this.
You or your child may be the only example of Christ in their life.
So rather than pulling away in fear of "falling away" or having a child become "rebellious" (By the way, all kids go through a rebellious stage, they just vary in intensity) You could trust God and stay. Help. Be something solid in there life. Because trust me, even if they have a single believing parent, they probably still don't have stability. In fact depending on the situation it may be worse than two unbelieving parents.
I can't say if I would have avoided certain life choices if I had had more than just Sunday (people you don't see other than Sundays) christian friends. But I'm almost certain I wouldn't have swung so far if I had someone to hold onto. The only reason I swung back was because of my loving family, specifically my sister, and my amazing now husband.

I do not regret where I have come from. Everything has made me who I am today. I am confidant. I have pretty much everything I wanted growing up. I got married young. I have a husband that is SO amazing I don't know how I got him. I have two kids, boy, and than a girl, within two years. I may not have the house I wanted but truly, I wouldn't change it for the world. I credit it ALL to God.

Now here is the hard part. And I don't really know how to say it or how well/bad its going to go over. But I feel it needs to be said. Because I think there are some who honestly are unaware of the issue.

My father was not a christian growing up. My mother found God after she had my oldest brother. She clung to church with everything she had because that was all she had. She wanted to make a better life for her kids. She did amazing for what she had as an example, that's all we can try and do, is our best. but as much as I love her, my mother can be intense. Some people are a little overwhelmed by her. So there were some in church that were just scared or whatever to be around her.    I was oblivious.    I went to church, I played with the other kids, I had a great time, I had friends. Had, I say had because as I grew up I played with my friends less and less. I wondered why my friends never came over, or I couldn't ever go over to their house. Everyone else was seeing each other out side of church. everyone else seemed to be more than just a church friend. So why couldn't I?
I think I was 14 when one of my friends finally told me, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to see you outside of church because your dad isn't a christian" ...... It all made sense. Finally. I was being shunned because their parents were afraid of how I might influence their kids. Or that my non-christian dad's influence on me might rub to them. I wont lie, I was devastated. I asked a few other friends and they said the same. Finally everything made sense. At least it wasn't me right? They weren't avoiding me, their parents were avoiding my fathers potential bad influence on their kids. Am I making my point?
I'm not the only one here. I was left void of any really close true christian friends through my teen years, because their parents were afraid.
That thought leaves me speechless, every time.
I'm afraid, I'm afraid that my kids will get hurt. That they might fall off their bike and break their neck. Will that keep me from that iconic right of passage? (and good exercise) No. Now you might think, that's not the same thing. But on a level it is. I'm sure on some levels it will be hard, but at the same time. I find it funny that I seem to have a easier time than most trusting God. Truly just listening ans letting go, and trusting God. I'm not perfect by any means. But I would hope that I will teach my kids the best that I can and help them to trust God to the core that, I don't have to worry about what their friends might influence them to do. And trust that they will do the influencing.
I have tried several times to re-establish myself in church. Tried many different churches because the one I grew up in didn't seem inviting to me. But I just didn't get the same level of teaching somewhere else. So I went back and tried several times to "plug in" and I blame no one for it but I fell through the cracks more times than I can count on a hand. So now, its harder than I thought it would be but it's time to close that chapter and move on. Since God is obviously pointing Dave and I in a different direction.

The two points I'm trying to make that have been weighing very heavily on me as of late are these.

We are to Love everyone, where they are. We don't have to agree, we just have to show God's love and let him do the rest.

And two, and this is the bigger point, and one that has been very hard to deal with as of late. The church abandoning someone because they're afraid of what/who they might influence. I get that there are some places you need to be careful with. But maybe God has a calling greater than you can see, or maybe even outside your box.
Or the age old adage, "Don't judge a book by its cover"? Before you dismiss someone because you think you know where they are, take some time to truly get to know them.

As a new year is soon to dawn I am actually looking forward to several things I haven't in quite some time. Including fallowing one thing I've felt God telling me to do. Sing.